Monday 25 February 2013

THANK YOU

I just wanted to quickly thank you all once again for reading and commenting, this was my very first story so it means a lot!! In particular I wanna thank those who commented on EVERY post without fail, I seriously would have given up AGES ago if it wasn't for you guys! Your support is really appreciated :)

I'm starting to notice that people seem to like Catch Me above all my other fics, I'm not sure why but I won't question it lol! I'll carry on with that one for a little longer though. I think I already mentioned that Here I Am will be ending soon and maybe even Can Anybody Hear Me? But I dunno about that yet, I'll see how I feel lol but anyway, thanks again for all your amazing comments and support!!

Carlee x

Thursday 21 February 2013

You Only Get One Second Chance - Part Two

*This is the last chapter, thanks for the previous comments and thanks to everyone who read this story I know it's a rushed ending :/ In fact it's pretty shitty tbh! I apologise. I've grown to hate this fic, I don't know why but ending it seemed right to me :) I hope this is okay for you :/*

"Can I ask you somethin'?"

"Sure, fire away." Drake smiled back at her, waiting for the question to surface. They were sat in his lounge room sharing conversation which as of late, seemed to be happening more frequently. Every time she'd come to collect Noah she'd end up staying for an hour or so longer.

"Do you think I should forgive SB for what he did?" She tilted her head and looked over at him as he sipped from his glass.

"Well, you forgave me for somethin' a lot worse."

"Yeah but that's different though." She wrinkled her face up. "You had no clue what the fuck you were doing. He did."

"Isn't that worse though? I put yours and Noah's lives at risk, if SB hadn't come in when he did who knows what I coulda done." He raised his brow and watched her face as she pondered deeply. "Do you want to forgive him?"

"A part of me does, I guess." She sighed and shook her head. "I just can't let go of how angry I am, y'know what I'm sayin'?" Her eyes squinted at him, waiting for him to answer.

"Yeah but it musta hurt for him to walk away too though, leavin' you and Noah behind like that."

"He didn't have to leave though! He chose to go, that's what's so infuriatin' to me."

"You saw no reason for him to leave, he obviously did." He took another sip from his glass. "But he's back, doesn't that tell you somethin'? He made a mistake, Nic. He's human, like the rest of us."

"So you think I should give him another chance?" She sat forward some more before glancing at Noah as he watched his movie across the room.

"I think he deserves a second chance. So do you." His nonsensical talking made her frown.

"Me?"

"Yeah, a second chance at happiness. The douche you're with now doesn't deserve you. He's a low life, Nicki."

"I finished with him this afternoon anyway."

"Good, he was a damn waste of space." He finished off what was in his glass and stared at her for a while before talking again with a knowing tone. "SB's back in town ain't he?"

"Yeah." She ran her fingers through her hair carelessly as she exhaled. "He's been pestering me to meet up with him."

"When?"

"Tonight, Dario's at eight on the dot." Folding her lips she let her dimples deepen whilst her eyes flicked over his facial expression.

"You've got a half hour to get there."

"I'm not going."

"So what are you playin' twenty-one questions with me for?" He smirked as her face screwed up. She was obviously agonising over what she wanted. Now it was evident that giving Safaree another shot was what she wished to do. "Noah can stay here, he's fine watching his movie."

"You really think I should do this?" She got to her feet steadily.

"I'm a hundred percent sure, and so are you. You just don't know it yet. You're too angry." Their eyes remained locked for a second or two before she smiled.

"Thank you."

"For what? I ain't do nothin'." His eyes followed her frame as she got closer to him.

"Yes you did. You listened when nobody else would." Leaning down slowly she kissed his cheek and stood upright again. "Thanks, Drake."

"Hey, no worries." He grinned up at her. "Good luck and I'll see you soon."

She let herself out and moved down to her car quickly, she had fifteen minutes to get there. Suddenly remembering what she was wearing she darted home to change in record breaking time before hitting the road again. She was feeling mixed feelings and emotions as she drove there in silence, hoping that they could resolve their differences.

***

Anxiously sitting at the table he grabbed a waiter going by and ordered another drink. He'd been waiting for a few minutes, he wanted to give her some time to get here but honestly he figured she wasn't coming. This was his last chance to fix things, to get his life back. The life he'd so stupidly given up all those years ago. Every day since he'd walked out had been a punishment. Not being able to see her, hear her or talk to her was hell. Looking down at his lap he checked his phone, only to sigh when he'd received no messages. She wasn't going to turn up, how was he so stupid to believe she'd even show her face after everything he had done. He cursed himself out mentally before a soft voice interrupted his self-hating thoughts.

"Sorry, I'm a lil' late."

"Nicki? You actually came?" He stood up quickly, his eyes wide before he jumped back to the moment and moved around the table to pull her chair out.

"Well yeah, you did say eight right?"

"Yeah I just didn't think you'd meet me." He spoke honestly before retaking his own seat.

"Initially I wasn't. But a certain someone encouraged me to hear you out." She rearranged her cutlery to use up some of her nervous energy as she talked.

"I was hoping she'd try and talk you 'round." He admitted.

"It wasn't kelsey."

"Then who?" He furrowed his brow, not thinking who else could know about this situation.

"Actually it was Drake. He seems to think that you deserve a second chance." She looked up at him for the first time since she'd got there. She missed him as much as he did her.

"Drake said that?"

"Yeah, but what he thinks is completely irrelevant right now. I have to be the one that feels you deserve a second shot. So, I'm gonna hear you out. No yelling and no interrupting."

"I don't even know where to start." He sighed and looked down.

"How 'bout we order first? Then we can talk." Her eyes flickered as she blinked at him.

"Sure." He handed her a menu and followed her lead as they both searched for something they wanted to eat before calling a waiter over.

***

The hours passed by quickly and before they knew it they'd already finished their dessert and were still deep in conversation at the restaurant table.

"I just wanna know one other thing." She interrupted him for the first time since he'd been talking. He ran through everything thoroughly, trying to get her to see things from her perspective and it was working. He saw her tear up a few times but she'd managed to control her emotions.

"Go ahead."

"Was there somebody else? That made you wanna leave me?" He grabbed her hand gently across the table and squeezed it.

"I swear to you, on my life. There was nobody else. I loved you then and I still love you now." He exhaled loudly. "I fucked up, Nicki."

"I know you did." She lightly squeezed his hand back. "And I don't wanna make the same mistake as you and walk away. I'ont wanna feel the same regret you felt." Hearing those words he looked up at her hopefully.

"You mean-"

"Yes. I wanna try again, but it'll take time Safaree. To rebuild what we had? It's gonna take time, effort and faith." She breathed in shakily. "But I'm willing to try if you are?"

"I will do anythin' to get back what I had." The hope in his eyes made her heart warm up a little, their hands still connected across the table. Relying purely on her gut instinct, her heart and Drake's encouraging words she persuaded her mind to agree with her.

"We do this properly though. We have to date first. I can't just invite you back into my life so quickly, I'm not ready for that and plus I have Noah to think about now."

"I understand that." He nodded before folding his lips. "So, was this our first date?" His question made her smile.

"I guess so. We should do this again some time." Slowly getting to her feet she pushed her empty dessert bowl to the centre of the table and pulled her purse over her shoulder.

"I'd like that. I'll call you tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting." Smiling once again she pushed her chair in before walking away, the smile still plastered to her face. As was his whilst he paid for their food. Things were starting to look up for them and at that moment he knew they'd be okay.

                                                                 ~ The End ~

*Okay, I have no idea how to end a story since I've never really ended one lol but thanku all for reading and to those who commented too :)) This wouldn't have continued for the time it did if it wasn't for you guys!! So, THANKU! Also this might be back-peddling but if anyone has any issues with the way I ended it please let me know! lol :))*

Friday 25 January 2013

You Only Get One Second Chance - Part One

*For the anon who asked what Warfarin was, I believe it's an anti-coagulant. So it thins the blood to prevent clotting. Oh and the chapter for CM is almooost done. I'll post that on Monday, Australia time :) Hope this is alright ://*

She stared him down for what felt like ages before actually talking.

"What do you want SB?"

"I wanna talk. Properly."

"Talk? You said everything you wanted to in the letter you left me. Explained everythin' pretty well actually!" She laughed humorlessly. "I forgot to thank you for it." He could see the tears starting to fall from her eyes as she spoke shakily. "I still have it y'know? The letter. I used to read it over and over and over again when Noah was taken from me, just try and make sense of where I messed up. What I did wrong for you to just leave me like that!"

"Nicki, please I just wanna-"

"No Safaree! I'm not gonna just stand here and let you bullshit your way back in! You really hurt me." She wiped at her face with her gloved hand as she shifted in the cold. "I'ont wanna see you so please, just stop tryin'." Her focus lay on the worn out sidewalk beneath her feet before she turned and slid into the car. He didn't want to press her and further push her away. Instead he let her go, his eyes following her car as she drove off.

Pulling up to her apartment block she cut the engine and just sat in the silence for a while, trying to come to terms with what was happening. Undoubtedly she was really hurt about what he did to her but something deep down was telling her to hear him out. Then thoughts of the letter would come back to her and his penned out feelings hit her like a truck every time. Shaking her head she climbed out of the car and got Noah out, carrying him to the apartment block steps after grabbing the bags and locking up the car.

"You dropped somethin'." She jumped at the sound of his voice again, did he really just follow her home? He handed her the boxing gloves as she just stared at him fiercely.

"You just don't get it do you?!" Shifting Noah in her arms she moved down from the top step to be closer to him. "Leave me alone. Noah doesn't need you in his life, I don't need you in our life and most of all SB, we don't want you in our life. Just, stay away from us." She turned angrily, only to almost trip up the step that she'd misjudged. Feeling his arm supporting her weight she collected her footing and pulled away from him.

"Look, just lemme help you inside Nicki? You're gonna have a accident." Tugging at the bag handle in her grip he attempted to hold on to them but she scoffed loudly.

"You think I can't manage this by myself? That's fuckin' hilarious SB! I managed for three years by myself, what the fuck makes you think I need you all of a sudden?!" Her cruel words hit him hard. Letting go quickly he held his hands up and stepped away in surrender.

"Aight, I hear you. I'm sorry I even bothered." He walked away slowly, shaking his head with regret.

Watching him leave was painful, she wanted to run after him but her heart and mind was begging her not to. The torture endured from the previous train-wreck he'd caused was too much to handle, she couldn't expose herself to that sort of danger again. After tucking Noah into his little bed she moved through to the bathroom, allowing the water pressure and heat of the shower to ease her mind and body.

"S'up with you?" Dante's uncaring question was only half of the sting as he didn't even pull his eyes away from the TV screen when she entered their room.

"Nothing."

"Oh." He shrugged. "Aight well I gotta leave early in the mornin' so I'mma stay at my own place." He snaked his arm over her side, resting on her front as he kissed on her neck. "I'll see you tomorrow." And just like that, she was alone again. A familiar feeling as of late, aside from her family she felt completely alone.

***

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?" Her monotonous hum let him know she was annoyed, especially when she didn't open her eyes to look at him. She could feel him sat next to her on the bed but remained motionless.

"Mooommmy?"

"What Noah?"

"I'm hungry." He smiled cheekily and crawled up next to her so he was face to face with her closed eyes.

"What do you see on my alarm clock?" Turning his head he stared at the flashing digits.

"Um, a six a two and an oh."

"It's a zero baby, not an oh. Come back when the six is a seven." She smiled back into her pillow as he grew even more impatient.

"Mommy!?"

"Alright! I'm getting up now." She threw her covers back and caught sight of him running through to the kitchen. "Stop running, I ain't got time to be sweepin' up your teeth if you fall." She moved around the corner only to see him sat at the table waiting. Grabbing his bowl and filling it with cereal she splashed some milk in before handing it to him.

"Thank you Mommy." He shoved his spoon straight in eagerly as she smiled down at him.

"You feel better today?"

"Mm." Nodding in response he kept up with his eating as she watched on.

"Good. 'Cause Daddy had plans for you today, so you're goin' to go see him later." She stood and began making herself something to eat before speaking up again. "Did you like the gloves he got you?"

"Yeah!" The cereal almost fell from his mouth as he grinned.

"You have to be careful with them though."

"I know Mommy, I will."

"Good."

The rest of the morning seemed to run by quite quickly and relatively smoothly much to her surprise. Drake was a little late to collect Noah but not so late that she made a tardy entrance to work. Admittedly it wasn't the most desirable job but it paid the bills which is all that was important to her right now. She was a barmaid. Not at some popular, in demand, up and coming club but a small pub with a family-friendly environment. Ater handing an elderly man his change she moved from behind the bar and began collecting glasses and plates from the tables.

"Nic, the barrell needs changin' when you're done out front."

"Yes sir." She flashed her boss a smile and continued her task at hand. It was fairly busy in the afternoon, mostly men on their lunch breaks having a drink in their hour off. It always a pain since she couldn't legally serve them any alcohol but she could serve food and other drinks seeing as it was also and eatery as well. Hearing the bustle of street crowds grow louder she figured the door had opened yet again, which meant resuming her role behind the bar.

"What's good off of the menu in this place?" Her attention was immediately pulled in his direction as she placed the dirty glasses into a crate. It was Safaree. Her anger levels spiked, but being in her place of work she managed to bite her tongue.

"Food is served over the other side of the bar." Not making any sort of eye contact with him he sat the menu down and watched her as she slid the heavy crate under the bar. She was completely blanking his existence, treating him as though he was just a stranger she was serving.

"Well, I wanna drink then. Just a water'll do, thanks." He watched her roll her eyes and throw a rag cloth on to the side with a hint of her infamous temper.

"Kels, could you serve this customer please? I have to go change the barrell, I won't be long." Kelsey nodded and took Safaree's order whilst Nick disappeared into the cellar. Why couldn't he see that she didn't care anymore? That she didn't want to see him or speak to him? Her mind struggled to find an answer when her thoughts suddenly kicked into overdrive. What if it was because he knew that she wanted to give him a second chance, even though she didn't even know it herself. That thought alone made her confused. Why would he think she wanted him back when she didn't even think she wanted him back? Maybe she did want him back. Standing up quickly once she was finished she felt her head pounding. "Why the hell do you do this to yourself Onika?" Not bothering to seem competely crazy and answer her own question she made her way back out the front. Only to be annoyed when she saw him still sat there, sipping his water.

"Yo Nic, who is that guy?"

"Never seen him before in my life. Why?"

"Really? You think he's single?" She hadn't anticipated her asking that question and felt herself becoming defensive.

"How the fuck would I know? If you're that depserate, go ask him." She shook her head whilst still looking at him. "I'm goin' on my break. If Dev comes back through tell'm I'll work overtime If I can get someone to watch Noah. Lord knows, I need the money right now." Kelsey watched her disappear before sighing, she and Nicki always had a rather turbulent relationship but always in a sisterly way. Seeing her obviously going through something wasn't particularly nice but being treated as though it were her fault was not acceptable. Filling another glass with a beverage she slid it across the side to a solemn looking SB.

"This one's on me. You look like you could do with it." She smiled and leant over the bar, using it to rest on. "I'm Kelsey by the way. I never seen you 'round here before."

"Thanks, I'm SB and I just moved back here, it's been a while."

"You had a rough day or somethin'?"

" Rough day? Try a rough three years."

"Wow. That's pretty grim." She moved back and started wiping down glasses as she spoke.

"Mm, sorry what'd you say your name was again?" He squinted a little and smiled.

"Kelsey." Holding the cloth in one hand she extended the other for him to shake. "Nice to meet you, SB." Her pale white skin looked almost porecelain in contrast to his dark and appealing tone.

"You too."

"So you gonna join our long list of sad and lonely regulars at this place?"

"Actually, no." He laughed a tad at what she had said. "I only came her to speak with Nic, I shoulda known she was gonna act like this though. Lil' stubborn ass."

"Wait, y'mean Nicki?"

"Yeah, the other bargirl you was talking to before."

"You know her?"

"Lemme guess she said she never met me before?"

"Yeah, s'up with that?" She dropped the cloth again, becoming more intrigued by where this conversation was going. Nicki's past and personal life always remained in the shadows with the new people she met, so this encounter was proving to be very insightful to Kelsey's ears.

"Eh, I can't really get into details." Folding his lips after finishing his drink he placed the glass back down. "Thanks for the drink and nice meetin' you. Tell Nic if she's got the least bit of interest then meet me tonight at Dario's, eight on the dot. If she doesn't show, I'll leave her alone." Grabbing his phone he re-adjusted his cap and left without another word. The instructions left in Kelsey's capable hands.

***

"Dev, please? Noah's with his dad and I could really use the extra cash at the moment." Clasping her hands together she followed behind the middle-aged man as she whined.

"Nicki I can't afford to be payin' you, you're underage and the amount of people you'll serve in a night will be minimal. I'm sorry, Kelsey's twenty-three. She can at least serve alcohol to my customers."

"Well, I'll clean or clear tables or somethin'?"

"We have a cleaner and the other bargirls can clear tables. Go home Nicki." He stopped walking and turned to face her. "I'll see you tomorrow." With an affectionate half smile he shut the door in her face as politely as he could. Once again feeling defeated she emptied her locker of her belongings and zipped up her jacket.

"Hey Nic!" Kelsey chirped and shut the staff room door quietly.

"What?" Ignoring her monotounous response Kels expanded her sentence.

"That guy you supposedly didn't know told me he'd be wating for you at Dario's tonight, eight sharp."

"And?" She curled her lip and slammed the locker door shut.

"And if you have any sort of interest you've to meet him there." Her smiled faded when she heard Nicki scoff.

"And if I don't?"

"Then he said he'll be outta your life for good."

"He's so fucking dramatic."

"He seemed pretty cut up y'know? I think you should at least show up, hear him out and if you're still angry then let him leave."

"Thanks for the advice Kels, but after the way he treated me? He's lucky I even gave him the time of day." She sighed again and gripped the keys in her hand. "Look, I gotta go. I'll talk to you later."

"Aight, well just think about what I said then." Watching her leave, she ony prayed she'd take her words and use them wisely. In her eyes, everybody deserved a second chance.

...

*sorry if this is FULL of typos, I typed it using the blogger app for iPad and I'm really sucky at typing lol thanku for commenting on the last chapter and I hope this was ok :))*


Monday 17 December 2012

Long Time No See

*I'm back lol I hope this is alright for everyone :/ Also if you anyone wants any other fic updating just say which one in the comment box :)) I'm trying to get back into them all cause I miss writing!*

Squeezing through the masses of people Nicki finally made it to the bar. The place was pretty packed to say the least. She set her purse down whilst waiting for Candi, Lauren, TT, Thembi and all the rest. They were somewhere around, she just didn't know where. Going out wasn't planned but it was her birthday and she wasn't about to spend the night wallowing at home, since Noah was with Drake she had the freedom to go out and celebrate her nineteenth birthday with her friends. Although taking her out was supposed to kind of take her mind off of Dante and his pointless existence, she was still bothered by him. She just wanted at least some stability for Noah and in her eyes getting rid of Dante only to meet another guy some months later wasn't really what she had in mind. Things looked kind of bleak in the relationship department right now and if she had to turn to celibacy to protect her son then she would. Feeling the gap next to her suddenly fill she turned her head slowly only to see TT stood by her side.

"What you drinkin'?" Her earrings were swaying as she kept pulling her head up down in between looking at Nicki and searching through her purse.

"Just a water, thanks." She smiled with her lips folded as she moved ever so slightly to the blaring music.

"Water?! Nic, we're out celebratin' your birthday and you're drinkin' water?" Her face was written with shock as she continued to stare at her.

"Y'know I'on usually drink much." She shrugged. "Honestly it's fine."

"Whatever you want." She finally got her hands on some notes and lay them on the bar.

"I need to pee, I'll see you back here." Swiftly grabbing her purse she threw it over her shoulder and walked briskly to the bathroom. The queue was a mile long. "Serioulsy?" She fidgeted impatiently and tiptoed slightly to try and peer over the peoples heads, the line wasn't even moving and she was beyond desperate. When she had to go, she had to go. Gently chewing on her glossed lip she flicked her eyes to the men's restroom. No queue. For that split second her mind was in turmoil trying to make a quick decision. "Fuck it." Pulling herself out of the line she sneakily made her way over to the men's room. Thankfully nobody was in there and it wasn't nearly as disgusting as she thought it would have been. "Damn, it's kinda nice in here." Talking to herself she did a quick mirror check and locked herself in a cubicle and did what she needed to do. Not hearing the main door open she flushed the toilet and let herself out whilst fixing her skirt.

"Y'know, there's a girl's restroom right across from here?" That voice made her jolt before snapping her head up in his direction. She'd know it anywhere. He was just staring at her as if she was going to actually give him the time of day. She wasn't sure if it was the circumstances in which they'd bumped into one another or the fact that she was trying to hold in all her anger but she couldn't speak. Not even one word, after three years without contact she didn't have one single word to say to him. Neither did he by the sounds of it. The silence kept growing until another two guys entered and walked between them to get to the urinals, giving her a weird look at the same time. She didn't waste another minute before she shoved her phone back into her purse and once again slung it over her shoulder, pushing past him to get to the door. "Nicki wait!" He grabbed her arm but let go when she snatched it away from him.

"Wait?! You want me to wait?! I been waitin' Safaree! I been waitin' for. Three. Fucking. Years!" She screamed one word between each slap she threw at his chest. He didn't stop her, knowing he deserved everything and more. Managing to control herself she shook her head tearfully and backed away before walking out. She couldn't believe he had the audacity to stand there and try to strike up conversation with her as if he hadn't walked out on her and Noah three years ago, leaving her with only a note. As she stalked through the crowds of people on her way back to TT she ignored Candi shouting behind her until she reached the bar. They could tell there was something wrong with her, it didn't take a genius to work that out.

"Nic? What's wrong?" Candi's concerned voice was still audible over the music as she approached her other side.

"Nothin' I'm fine, we gonna get the drinks in or what?" She sniffled, trying to change the subject and pulled out some cash before TT's hand stopped her.

"It's cool, I got'm don't worry 'bout it Nic. I thought you weren't drinkin' anyway?"

"I changed my mind."

"Aight, well I'll bring 'em over." She rotated her body back to the bar as she got their drinks.

"You not gon' answer that?" The question Candi asked made her look at her with a puzzled expression.

"What?"

"Your phone, it's ringin'." Pulling it out of her friend's hand she held it up to her face. "It's your baby daddy." The way she sang it out made Nicki roll her eyes.

"Oh shit, I better answer that." She moved away from her friends to take the call, leaving them there wondering.

"The hell is up with her?" Candi was about to answer TT's question when she clocked SB near the fire escape. Nudging TT harshly she nodded her head in his direction, he looked as though he was searching for someone and from Nicki's weird behaviour they already knew who.

"The fuck is he doin' here?!" She shook her head frustratedly. "If Nic sees him-"

"She's already seen him."

"How do you know?" She curled her lip and looked forward before catching on slowly. "Oh, right." About to start talking again they both stopped when they saw Nicki approaching.

"What's up? Everythin' okay?" TT slipped the straw back into her mouth as she waited for an answer but Nicki looked agitated.

"No, I'm really sorry I gotta go." She opened up her purse and grabbed her keys before looking back up at her two friends. She seemed really flustered as her brow remained furrowed.

"Seriously? You're goin' home early on your birthday?" The frequency of Candi's voice went right through Nicki as she squinted trying to listen to her.

"I'm sorry, I wish I could stay, you know I do but Drake just called, he said Noah's sick and he wants to go home, I gotta go pick'm up." Switching her gaze between the two of them she spoke up since neither of them were saying anything. "How 'bout we do this next Friday? Y'all are free then right?"

"Yeah, yeah Course. We'll sort somethin' out." TT butted in before Candi got chance, she knew whatever she had to say would just make Nicki feel even more conflicted.

"Thanks you guys." She mumbled in a whiny voice as she hugged them individually. "Tell the others I said bye. I'll talk to you later." With one last wave she was on her way. She couldn't wait to climb into her car and stop fighting the tears. The last three years had been insanely difficult but somehow she'd managed to get through them however seeing him tonight had set her back. It was as if having him stood in front of her like that had literally pushed her back fives steps all in the space of twenty seconds yet it had taken her three years to get this far. Resting her hands on the top of the steering wheel she let the tears run for a while before getting herself together and pulling out of the side street. She'd purposely parked there in case she decided to have a few drinks, that way she could just leave the car until the next morning to pick up. She was in a way relieved that she was leaving because she really couldn't face SB right now. She wasn't ready to deal with him or his pathetic excuses.

Putting the phone down Drake felt kind of bad, he guessed she was out celebrating her birthday and he'd pulled her away from her night of fun. He let his thoughts swirl as he made his way back to Noah's room. He had a room at Drake's and a room at Nicki's both with all the clothes he needed. They wanted to make both places feel like his home.

"How you holdin' up lil' man? You still not feelin' too good?" He sat down gently onto Noah's small bed. He was all rugged up under the comforter with a sorry look on his face, pouting ever so slightly just like his Mother. He sniffled and shook his little head before moving around to get comfy again.

"Is Mommy coming now?"

"Yeah, Mommy's on her way." He smiled at him as he brought his thumb to his mouth, usually he'd be told off but seeing as he wasn't feeling well he decided to let him off just this once. His eyes were getting heavier by the second as he lay sucking his thumb. In all honesty he looked a lot younger than four but he could definitely hold his own with the other kids at the playground. Something he must have got from Nicki. Just as his thoughts began to delve into a playground incident his apartment buzzer sounded. Cautiously leaving Noah's room he ran to let Nicki in.

"Hey, come in. I'm sorry to call you out so late."

"No, it's fine don't worry 'bout it I was headed home anyways." She lied before smiling tiredly and moving out of his way to let him shut the door. "So what's wrong with'm?"

"He's just a lil' feverish." He shrugged as he spoke, noticing the mascara stains which she'd tried to get rid of but failed. He knew she'd either been crying or somebody had thrown a drink in her face. The first one seemed more logical.

"That's it?"

"Yeah, but he said he wanted to go home so I'm not gon' hold him hostage here." He laughed as he led her through to Noah's room. He was still laying limply in his sheets.

"He take his warfarin tablet?" She was walking towards his bed as she spoke before sitting beside his little body.

"Yeah, he had it with his supper." Drake answered worriedly, hovering behind her. She touched his forehead lightly and he awoke almost immediately.

"Hey baby." Her warm smile and soft voice made him feel safe as he sat up out of the blankets to wrap his little arms around her feebly. Clutching him to her she stood up and secured him against herself before turning to Drake. "I'll drop him 'round tomorrow if he's feelin' any better. Sorry it didn't work out." She felt terrible that it was Drake's time to spend with his son and she was taking him away.

"Hey, don't worry 'bout it." He laughed a little and rubbed her arm. "He's not feelin' good, I understand." He followed behind her carrying Noah's bag when they reached the door. "Hey Nic? Before you go there's somethin' I wanted to ask you."

"Yeah?" She turned slowly with Noah still sleeping on her.

"It's about Christmas-"

"You want Noah to spend it with you."She finished off his sentence with what she thought was correct, but she was wrong. Frowning at his facial expression she waited for him to expand.

"Actually I was jus' gonna ask if you both could come for pre-Christmas lunch at my Mom's." For the first time that night she felt a small smile spreading across her face. Just the way he asked nervously, rubbing his neck as he spoke.

"Oh, well then, yes. Yes we can." She looked back up at him.

"Great, so you're free on Sunday?"

"I'll have to check Noah's planner but I'm sure he's got nothin' planned." She smiled before shaking her head lightly. "We're both free, thanks for askin'." Even though she was joking around and putting on a fake smile, which she thought was pretty believable, he could tell there was something wrong with her.

"Funny." He smirked and nudged her arm with his knuckle. "You okay tonight? You seem...Upset. 'Cause if it's Dante actin' like-"

"It's not Dante and it's nothin', really. I'm fine but thanks for actin' concerned."

"Nic, I wasn't acting I really am worried. The guy's an ass, I'on want him 'round either of you."

"Drake, I'm fine. We're fine." She ended her sentence with a reassuring smile. "I promise."

"Aight, well I'll see you on Sunday. Don't forget Noah."

"Now look who's got jokes." She hit him with her free hand before he opened the door for her.

"Oh wait!" He thrust Noah's overnight bag into her hand before she got chance to say anything and disappeared back into his apartment. He was back within seconds. "I forgot these."

"Drake. I told you about this already. He can't have stuff like this." She looked back at him with annoyance whilst pushing the tiny pair of boxing gloves back away from herself.

"Come on Nic. He was so excited for 'em, what harm is a four-year-old gonna cause himself?"

"A four-year-old who is gonna be takin' warfarin for the rest of his life? A lot Drake. I mean, what if he gets into it and wants to continue?" She shook her head again.

"So what? You're just gonna say no to everythin' he wants to get involved in? You can't wrap him in cotton wool Nicki." Looking back up at his disappointed face she felt awful. Any kind of contact sport was out of the question for Noah. Even a large bruise could be dangerous and she wasn't prepared to take that kind of risk but then again just a simple paper-cut or nosebleed could be as bad.

"Fine, but if he asks to carry on with it you're the one who's gonna tell'm no." His face beamed when she took the gloves from his grasp. "I'll see you tomorrow if he's feelin' any better.

"Aight, g'night Nic." He just leant in his doorway, watching her disappear before shutting himself back inside. He loved that they got along, it was good for theirs and Noah's sake.

As she got down to her car she threw the bag and gloves into the front before opening the back door to Noah's car seat and placing him in it carefully, so she didn't wake him. Drake was right, he was fairly burning up but his body was shivering. She pouted at the thought of her baby feeling ill and covered him with his big blue blanket once she'd strapped him in. Shutting his door quietly she was about to move around to the driver's side when a voice behind her stopped her in her tracks.

...

*Okay I'm not too happy with this but I feel as though I need to post and hopefully my ideas will start going again :/ I'm a little less knotted right now because I finally got all my results back and I've successfully passed my first year at uni! ^_^ Anyways, thanks SO much for the comments on the previous chapter, I hope this one was okay and thanku also for being patient :D*

Oh yeah and here is little Noah ^_^

Saturday 1 December 2012

Closed Doors

*Hope this is okay for you guys, thanku for the comments you left on the last chapter :) Also, for any of my Dricki readers I'm posting on SD and PUTP tomorrow since they got the most comments. This fic was a bit of a struggle tbh, I was going to finish it ages ago but kept on going so hopefully it ain't boring anyone! I'm tryin to think up new stuff so please hang in there lol OH and the rest of WTWC should be up tomorrow too :))*

The amount of stress and heartache Nicki struggled with in the months following Safaree's sudden and cowardly departure was immense, in fact her priorities and whole outlook on life changed because of him. The most difficult moment was undoubtedly the day she lost Noah. Her emotional state combined with her age and lack of support she had was apparently a good enough reason for him to be taken from her. The fight to get him back drove her through that rough patch though. She closed everything to do with Safaree behind a door along with every other negative focus and concentrated on her study and getting her child back. Of course there was no way in hell she could have got to where she is now if it wasn't for her family. Even her Father. He saw the pain she was experiencing and sorted his own issues out in hope that it would look better for Nicki to have more support around her. For the six weeks she wasn't allowed to care for him she was still allowed to visit him once a week, until finally she was granted permission to have him in her care again. She never once looked back from there on and even now, three years later she was doing better than ever. It was a different story for Safaree though.

"Noah, would you please stop runnin'? You're gonna get stood on." She manoeuvred the shopping cart around the corner as she spoke whilst four year old Noah ran cutely ahead. Suddenly seeing a nice pyramid of boxes stacked up she ditched the cart and ran to grab her son before he dared push it over. "No you don't." The grin on his face faded as he felt himself being lifted from the floor and sat in the seat in the cart. "If you can't walk nicely then you can't walk at all." Clicking the straps shut she pouted back at him and continued on with her shopping. He was a handful at the best of times but that's what made him more loveable. Chewing gently on her bottom lip she squinted before crouching down and grabbing some rice from the shelf. It was Friday which meant Noah would be stopping at Drake's for the weekend so she was planning on cooking a meal for herself and Dante that night. Things between them had been strained recently and she felt like this was needed, although she knew it wouldn't last. Most of the effort being put into their relationship was down to her and quite honestly she didn't want him around if it was just going to lead to them arguing around Noah. So this meal was in her mind a last ditch attempt at keeping things going. "Okay, let's go." She shook her head after looking at the time. Thanks to Noah they'd been in the shop a whole two hours.

Wrapping him in a towel she took him through to his room and stood him in the middle of the floor whilst she found him some pyjamas. Drake could only pick him up at 6pm on Friday's because that's when he got off work. "You want these ones?" She pulled her hair behind one ear as she bent over to get in his tiny dresser.

"No."

"Tough. Daddy's gonna be here soon and you're not even dry yet." Scooping him up again she dried him off before putting his jammies on. "Did you pick which toys you're gonna take?"

"Yeah!" He smiled big and wiggled his legs to shimmy off of the bed before running to a collection of toy trucks on the floor, which she guessed were the ones he wanted to take with him.

"Come on then, let's go put them in your bag." She yawned as she spoke and watched him gather them all up in his arms before cautiously leaving the room with her following. There was a loud clattering sound as he dumped them into the open bag and looked back at her proudly. She didn't get chance to answer when she heard a knock at the apartment door. Being on her own with Noah she couldn't afford to keep living where they were and the move proved to be better since she was now closer to her family and Drake too. "Go find your slippers." Doing as he was told he disappeared back into his room whilst she opened the door.

"Hey sorry I'm a little early."

"It's fine, you wanna come in? He's still ain't ready."

"Sure." He smiled pleasantly as he walked in. He could smell the food and felt his stomach growl already. "Oh you been cookin'?"

"Yeah, waste of fuckin' time though." She huffed and wandered behind the kitchen counters as he leant on the breakfast bar.

"Somethin' happened with golden boy?"

"Why you always callin' him that?" She smiled and tilted her head as he just laughed.

"'Cause that's what he is."

"Whatever! And if you must know, he blew me off for a basketball game."

"Again?"

"Yes, again Drake. Like it wasn't sad enough that I was cooking my own Birthday meal, I've now been ditched for the night."

"Well, smells like he's missin' out. And Happy Birthday by the way. I hadn't forgotten."

"You mean the food? 'Cause if you want some feel free, there's enough for two. I'm sure you didn't forget." She said sarcastically and continued to clear away the pots and pans as she spoke.

"Really?"

"Yeah, you like pasta right?"

"I do."

"You wanna plate then?" She raised her brows as he looked at her and then his watch.

"Yeah, why not? I'm starvin'!" He patted his middle before talking again. "Is it alright if I go wash up in your bathroom?"

"Yeah, go ahead. You know where it is."

"Thanks."

After washing his hands he told her he had to go grab something from his car and disappeared whilst she dished up the food. He wasn't lying when he said he hadn't forgotten her birthday. Leaning into his truck he pulled out two wrapped up gifts and locked up again before heading back inside. He couldn't believe this dick Dante had not only forgotten her birthday but bailed on her as well. He hated him with a passion and would be glad when he was gone. After everything she'd been through, she deserved better.

"Where's the boy at?" He had managed to sneak through the lounge room and put the gifts out of view whilst she had her back turned in the kitchen.

"In his room, could you get him to wash his hands too please?"

"Course." Smiling to himself he made his way to Noah's room, only to see him sat in the middle of the room with his toys surrounding him.

"Daddy!" He jumped up within seconds of seeing his Father before darting to him and being catapulted into the air by his huge hands.

"Hey little man! What're you doin' in here?"

"Playin'."

"Well, how 'bout we play after dinner? We gotta go wash our hands before we eat." They carried on talking playfully as they went to the bathroom. "You remember to say Happy Birthday to Mommy this mornin' like I told you?"

"No." He shook his head sadly and looked up at Drake's face whilst he continued to hold his hands under the running tap.

"You wanna do it now and give her a present?" He didn't need to ask twice as he nodded excitedly and hopped off of the standing stool.

Back in the kitchen she'd just lay the plates down and was about to shout them but stopped when she saw them coming, Noah was hardly visible behind a big present he was carrying carefully.

"Oh my God, you two!"

"Happy birthday Mommy." His voice sounded so cute and quiet behind the present as Drake grinned and gave her the smaller present he was holding in his own hands.

"Happy birthday."

"You guys, you didn't have to get me presents." She bent down to Noah's level and kissed him as she took the box from his arms and sat it on the floor. "Thank you baby."

"Can we open it now?" He looked up excitedly at his Dad, making him laugh.

"You'll have ask Mommy, it's her present."

"Go ahead, you open that one and I'll open this one." She stood up straight again as she tore open the paper on the gift Drake gave her. Not able to stop the gasp that left her mouth she pulled the silver necklace from the box and smiled. "Oh my God, Drake you really didn't-"

"I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to." He smiled at her as she carried on admiring it. "You want me to put it on?" There was silence as she turned and let him put it on for her. Although neither had any sort of feelings towards one another in that sense, he still loved her as the Mother of his child so this birthday gift was very much in order.

"I love it, thank you." She touched the stone in it before looking back down at Noah. He'd well and truly ripped the paper off of the present and was still trying to tear the rest off. She already knew that Drake had obviously bought both gifts and that the one from Noah was bound to be something for Noah rather than her. "Oh, just what I've always wanted!" Drake couldn't help but laugh at her as she once again bent down to look at the packaging. It was firetruck.

"I'm sorry but I couldn't let him give you somethin' he couldn't have fun with."

"Y'know what? I'on even mind." She smiled again and grabbed the rubbish before taking it through to the kitchen trashcan. "Okay! Let's eat 'cause it's goin' cold."

The rest of the evening went nice and smoothly and Drake was about to grab Noah and his bag to head home when he noticed Nicki staring at her phone screen.

"Is that golden boy?"

"Hm? Oh, no just some stupidass voicemail message." She half smiled and stood up to say goodbye to Noah as he was balanced in Drake's arms. He knew she was lying but also knew not to get all up in her business so he just took her word for it. Nicki hated Noah leaving but she loved the fact that he always got to spend time with Drake for two nights a week and every other weekend. Not to mention the fact that he never saw his parents arguing, which was the most important thing to her. After closing the door behind them she resumed her seat on the couch and looked at the text again. She got one on the same day every year saying the same thing.

Happy Birthday, I'd never forget.
Safaree xx

...

*And No is the answer to anyone who asks "This isn't turning into a Dricki fic is it?" Lmao I have separate Dricki fics, this is still Onikafaree :)) Hope this was okay, I know SB wasn't in it but just wait he will be soon ^_^ Thnx again for the comments left on the last chapter!*

Thursday 22 November 2012

Out Of The Blue (Full Chapter)

Pushing the door open in a hurry Nicki threw her bag to the ground and tore her shoes off.

"Safaree?!" There was silence as she was about to shout him again but she saw him on the couch. "Hey, you didn't hear me shoutin' for you?"

"Yeah, I was sleep. Sorry." He stood up and greeted her properly with a kiss before she pushed him off.

"Stop, I need to hurry!" Giggling she continued on to her room. "Where's Noah?"

"Oh I put him down for a nap a while ago."

"Well the girls are goin' shoppin' so I'mma take him with me. You know where his bag is?" She was searching around as he stood in the same position.

"By the door."

"You ok? You're doin' that thing where you answer with like, one word." She was trying to keep it sweet but she hated when he did that. How were they supposed to resolve their issues if he never said what was wrong and acted like this?

"I'm good, just tired. Anyway I'mma go get showered up. I'll see you later." He moved over to where she was and kissed her like he was never going to see her again before pulling away and looking at her.

"I'm goin' to the mall Safaree, it's ten minutes away." She laughed at how weird and cute he was being.

"I know, but I'm not gon' see you before you leave. So I'm sayin' bye now." He ran his thumb over her dimple and smiled at her.

"Now you're just being corny. Get off of me." She cackled not knowing that he was being dead serious. He did what he said he was going to do and shut himself in the bathroom as she heard the shower turn on. Mumbling to herself she threw Noah's stuff on the counter and quickly went to get some better shoes before getting Noah. Luckily she saw him standing up against his crib railings and was relieved he was awake.

"I knew he wouldn't change you." She wrinkled her nose up and lay him on the changing table. It took her all of three minutes to get him sorted. Pulling his little pants back up over his diaper she grabbed his coat from the rocking chair, since his surgery he had to keep all rugged up and warm so Nicki was taking no risks. "Mmkay, we're ready." She zipped his coat right up and sat him comfortably on her hip before moving back to the kitchen and grabbing the rest of their things. Yelling bye once more she didn't get a response but knew he was showering.

***

"Nicki! He's the cutest little thing I have ever seen!" Cassie was peering over at him in his stroller as they sat enjoying their food.

"Cassie, you haven't seen him in a bad mood."

"Oh, is he like you?" Lauren couldn't help but laugh at how serious Cassie was but she didn't seem to notice what she'd said.

"The hell is that s'posed to mean?" She laughed along before handing Noah a piece of her burger bread bun. Not even hesitating to investigate what it was he shoved it into his mouth along with half of his hand.

"Wow, he really is his Mother's son." Candi's comment was followed  by a swift thump to her upper arm before she gasped and grabbed at the skin where Nicki just hit her.

"He's a growing boy, he needs his food." She wiped his face before turning her attention back to the group.

"So did you speak to SB?" TT was just dusting the crumbs off of her hands as she spoke.

"No, he was gettin' ready for his shift and I was runnin' 'round like a damn blue-assed fly to get here on time. I'll make sure I talk to him when I get back." She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought. He had been acting a little weird, but who wouldn't after everything they'd just been through?

"Well, are we gon' go shoppin' or just sit here?" Cassie was the first to stand after her brisk question as they all disposed of their trash and roamed around. A few of the stores Nicki had to sit outside because it was too difficult to manoeuvre Noah's stroller through all the clothes racks but she didn't mind she was just happy to be out with her friends. Feeling the stroller shake as Noah had a mini tantrum she turned it around to face her, he looked grumpy. His grouchy grumbles gave her the hint that it was time for them to leave, she didn't drag anyone else away though just saying her goodbyes she headed back to the car.

***

Safaree had only been filling in for another worker and had told Nicki that he'd be home before 7pm, which she was glad about because she needed to talk with him. Setting all the bags down she moved further in before shutting the door and removing Noah's coat.

"Safaree?" There was no reply, ignoring the lack of response she moved through to the bathroom and started running a shallow bath for Noah who was now clutching on to her for dear life as she bent over into the tub to reach the taps. "Baby, I'm not gon' drop you." He only grumbled as she stood up again. Setting him down on the lounge room rug he crawled over to where his toys were as she switched between checking the bath water and undressing him. Thankfully he wasn't in as much a grumpy mood as she thought and bath time went smoothly. Now sitting on the couch she had Noah in his all-in-one pyjama suit laying next to her on a bundle of cushions as she held the bottle to his face. She'd put the TV on to remove some of the silence. Safaree still wasn't back and she was starting to get worried as she looked at the time, it was almost nine. Knowing that the social worker was visiting tomorrow she decided to concentrate on getting Noah to bed first and then she'd worry about where the hell Safaree was.

***

He'd been sat in his parked car for hours, just thinking. Honestly that was always a bad thing. His thoughts would expand and become more embedded and before he knew it he was making decisions he never knew he wanted to make. It had only really dawned on him today when Nicki was at school. He had Noah for the day and decided to take him out. He loved when everyone would make comments about him being a cute kid and how lucky he was to be his Father. Of course, he could fool them but Noah was always going to grow up knowing that Drake was his Dad. He'd be around them forever. He knew he'd told Nicki that nothing had changed, that he'd never leave her. But everything had changed, it was almost as if he didn't fit in to their lives anymore. Like he was on the outside looking in, which he knew was complete bullshit but that feeling wasn't going to go away. Not any time soon, maybe not ever. The thoughts continued to fill his head before he started the engine angrily. He wasn't angry at Nicki nor was he angry at Drake, he was angry at himself for all the hurt he was about to cause her.

The fact that she was laying asleep on the sofa let him know that she'd been sat up waiting for him. He felt like shit but there was no way he'd be able to carry on like this. It was asking too much of him. He wished he'd never opened his mouth and promised that he'd never leave her or that he'd always be there for her. Being a coward was not exactly what he would call it but in reality that's what it was. The thoughts continued to fill his mind as he kissed her lightly on her forehead before moving to Noah's room. Although he wasn't his child he was sure as hell going to miss the little guy. Peering into his crib he smiled seeing that he was awake, just staring at his decorated ceiling. The pacifier in his mouth stopped moving for a split second as he noticed Safaree staring into his crib. That was what killed him, seeing him smile at the sight of his face. Stroking his cheek gently he whispered goodbye and stood up before his emotions got the best of him. It wasn't a spur of the moment decision, he knew that as he grabbed the already packed bag out of his old room, Nicki never went in there. Securing the handle in his gripped fist he knocked off the light and placed the envelope on the coffee table in front of Nicki, she'd definitely see it when she woke up. He looked at her for a while longer before actually building himself up to walking out with one last peck on her lips. As soon as the front door shut behind him, he was gone.

She woke up with a start when her leg slipped off of the couch. It was only 7am and honestly she couldn't remember falling asleep. Slowly sitting up she stretched her back out and yawned as she looked around the room. She still had to clean up a bit more before the social worker came. Noticing an envelope on the coffee table she could only presume it was from Safaree, which was odd because usually he'd move her to the bed if she fell asleep elsewhere. Inching forward she pulled her robe over her shoulders some more and grabbed at the paper, ripping it open without a second thought. The whole time she read it was as if she had forgotten how to breathe, only when felt herself choking on her cries did she realise that she hadn't taken a breath. How could he do this? Just leave like he was in no way shape or form tied to them. The tears didn't let up, not once as she paced the lounge room floor with her phone pressed to her ear. He wasn't picking up. It was only a matter of minutes before the despair and hurt would turn into hatred and anger, she could feel herself heating up at his cowardly exit. I don't belong. That was what hurt the most, the fact that he believed that stupid sentence. He had a place in her heart that no one else had just as Noah did. How could he not see that? He only had his eyes open to the blatantly known. Drake was Noah's Dad and that meant he'd always have an 'Outsider' stance in their relationship, which she could admit was probably difficult to accept. Had it been the other way around she would feel the same way but she definitely wouldn't give up this easily. Then her mind started reeling, maybe he meant far more to her than she did to him? That made sense, she was young, alone and pregnant how could he ignore that? She shook her head and brought her hands up to the sides of her face hearing Noah start squawking. Things were going great, she actually felt as though she was getting back on track but once again her whole world was ripped from under her. Angrily screwing up the heartfelt letter she tossed it roughly into the waste-paper basket before going into Noah's room. Gently picking him up she took him to the kitchen and sat him in his highchair. She couldn't stop the tears from flowing, it was as if as soon as she managed to control them they'd just start again.

It had been four hours and she'd finally suppressed the tears, just in time for the social worker. She was already nervous as it was and now, facing such a huge thing on her own, she was crumbling. Not one to willingly show her own vulnerability she shook off the negativity, just until this social worker had been and gone. She was supposed to be at their house for 11am but it was nearing half past and still nothing. Her phone was being squeezed in her clutch as she waited, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't him off of her mind. Thankfully the knock at her door interrupted her thoughts before she started crying again, although she wasn't actually crying anymore it was extremely obvious she had been. Taking a deep shaky breath she opened to the door to see a middle aged woman stood with a briefcase. She looked like supernanny to be honest.

"Onika Maraj?"

"Yeah, come in." She chewed on her lip anxiously and shut the door behind the strict looking woman. This was not going to be fun, she could just tell.

"I'm going to get straight to it and keep things plain and simple, okay?" She set the case down and made herself comfortable as Nicki took a seat on the couch opposite and nodded. "So Noah spends most of his time at home with you and a Mr Samuels, is that right?" There it was, his name.

"Well yeah, usually-"

"Mmkay." She didn't even let her finish as she started scribbling down notes on a sheet of paper, her lips pursed like a dog's arse. "Where is Noah?" Looking up her cold stare connected with Nicki's tear filled eyes. She didn't even bat an eyelid that this young girl sat before her was obviously dealing with something at that moment. Her expression remained the same as Nicki used her sleeve to wipe her tears and stood up.

"I'll go get him."

There were a few moments of silence as Nicki retrieved Noah from his room and resumed her seat with him on her knee. Anyone could see he was a healthy looking kid, and happy too.

"So how old is he now?" Her pen pulled away from the paper as she spoke.

"Don't you already have that type of information?"

"Yes, but now isn't the time to cop an attitude Miss Maraj. I merely wanted to know if you knew. How old is he?" This woman was a witch.

"He's almost fourteen months." Her focus lay on Noah as she tried to keep her cool.

"Thank you." There was silence again as she skimmed over some notes. "I understand he just underwent a major surgical procedure , how'd everything go with that?"

"He's doin' really good actually, recoverin' fast."

"Okay." She took to the paper yet again before looking around the room. "Everythin' looks pretty much in order here. Can I see his room?"

"Sure." Picking him up under his arms Nicki secured a chirpy Noah on her hip and guided the woman to his room. Everything was fine there too. It was going okayish for the next half an hour or so until she brought up Safaree.

"So Mr Samuels isn't Noah's biological father?"

"No ma'am."

"But he still sees his actual Father? Mr Graham?" Nicki only nodded as she felt her throat burning with the urge to cry. "Where is Mr Samuels?"

"He's working." She looked down immediately as a tear escaped. This time the woman took notice.

"Is everything okay Miss Maraj?" She didn't answer and cursed the fact that she had to ask that question. Anyone who asked if she was okay always made it worse and that's exactly what had happened just now.

"Everythin's..." She took a deep breath and pulled herself together. "Everythin's fine." Studying the woman's actions she tried to peer over and see what exactly she was writing but she couldn't read her squiggly upside down writing.

"You seem a little distracted."

"No, I'm not I just-" She stopped instantly when her anger peaked again. Every time Nicki went to speak this lady would start writing again. "What are you writing?"

"I'm just taking notes, it's routine procedure-"

"So if they're just notes you can tell me what they say, right?" The worker took notice of her fiery temper and clicked her pen shut as Noah started fussing. The more agitated Nicki was becoming the more Noah was picking up on her hostile behaviour.

"I think you need to calm down a little-"

"Calm down? How the fu-" She stopped herself from blurting out the profanity and collected her words. "How am I s'posed to calm down when you keep writin' stuff after everythin' I say or do?!" She stood up quickly and secured a now crying Noah on her hip. "I want you to leave."

"Miss Maraj please sit back down."

"No." She turned away from her stern face and pulled her hand to her mouth as she struggled to hold back the tears. Once they started she knew they wouldn't stop, but it was too late.

...

*I know it isn't much but I have an exam tomorrow so I really stretched myself to get a post done for a Dricki fic and an Onikafaree fic :/ Hope it was alright, once again my posts as of Sunday will be a lot more detailed and what not. I'm posting on Catch Me this weekend :) Thanku SO much for all the comments last chapter! :)*



Sunday 11 November 2012

Out Of The Blue *Sneak Peek*

*I think some of you are gonna be proper mad at me after this BUT you'll just have to see what happens. HUGE thanku for all the comments on the last chapter, I was like O_O This one hasn't had that many comments in a while lmao. Welp, hope this is alright!*

Pushing the door open in a hurry Nicki threw her bag to the ground and tore her shoes off.

"Safaree?!" There was silence as she was about to shout him again but she saw him on the couch. "Hey, you didn't hear me shoutin' for you?"

"Yeah, I was sleep. Sorry." He stood up and greeted her properly with a kiss before she pushed him off.

"Stop, I need to hurry!" Giggling she continued on to her room. "Where's Noah?"

"Oh I put him down for a nap a while ago."

"Well the girls are goin' shoppin' so I'mma take him with me. You know where his bag is?" She was searching around as he stood in the same position.

"By the door."

"You ok? You're doin' that thing where you answer with like, one word." She was trying to keep it sweet but she hated when he did that. How were they supposed to resolve their issues if he never said what was wrong and acted like this?

"I'm good, just tired. Anyway I'mma go get showered up. I'll see you later." He moved over to where she was and kissed her like he was never going to see her again before pulling away and looking at her.

"I'm goin' to the mall Safaree, it's ten minutes away." She laughed at how weird and cute he was being.

"I know, but I'm not gon' see you before you leave. So I'm sayin' bye now." He ran his thumb over her dimple and smiled at her.

"Now you're just being corny. Get off of me." She cackled not knowing that he was being dead serious. He did what he said he was going to do and shut himself in the bathroom as she heard the shower turn on. Mumbling to herself she threw Noah's stuff on the counter and quickly went to get some better shoes before getting Noah. Luckily she saw him standing up against his crib railings and was relieved he was awake.

"I knew he wouldn't change you." She wrinkled her nose up and lay him on the changing table. It took her all of three minutes to get him sorted. Pulling his little pants back up over his diaper she grabbed his coat from the rocking chair, since his surgery he had to keep all rugged up and warm so Nicki was taking no risks. "Mmkay, we're ready." She zipped his coat right up and sat him comfortably on her hip before moving back to the kitchen and grabbing the rest of their things. Yelling bye once more she didn't get a response but knew he was showering.

***

"Nicki! He's the cutest little thing I have ever seen!" Cassie was peering over at him in his stroller as they sat enjoying their food.

"Cassie, you haven't seen him in a bad mood."

"Oh, is he like you?" Lauren couldn't help but laugh at how serious Cassie was but she didn't seem to notice what she'd said.

"The hell is that s'posed to mean?" She laughed along before handing Noah a piece of her burger bread bun. Not even hesitating to investigate what it was he shoved it into his mouth along with half of his hand.

"Wow, he really is his Mother's son." Candi's comment was followed  by a swift thump to her upper arm before she gasped and grabbed at the skin where Nicki just hit her.

"He's a growing boy, he needs his food." She wiped his face before turning her attention back to the group.

"So did you speak to SB?" TT was just dusting the crumbs off of her hands as she spoke.

"No, he was gettin' ready for his shift and I was runnin' 'round like a damn blue-assed fly to get here on time. I'll make sure I talk to him when I get back." She chewed on the inside of her cheek as she thought. He had been acting a little weird, but who wouldn't after everything they'd just been through?

"Well, are we gon' go shoppin' or just sit here?" Cassie was the first to stand after her brisk question as they all disposed of their trash and roamed around. A few of the stores Nicki had to sit outside because it was too difficult to manoeuvre Noah's stroller through all the clothes racks but she didn't mind she was just happy to be out with her friends. Feeling the stroller shake as Noah had a mini tantrum she turned it around to face her, he looked grumpy. His grouchy grumbles gave her the hint that it was time for them to leave, she didn't drag anyone else away though just saying her goodbyes she headed back to the car.

***

Safaree had only been filling in for another worker and had told Nicki that he'd be home before 7pm, which she was glad about because she needed to talk with him. Setting all the bags down she moved further in before shutting the door and removing Noah's coat.

"Safaree?" There was no reply, ignoring the lack of response she moved through to the bathroom and started running a shallow bath for Noah who was now clutching on to her for dear life as she bent over into the tub to reach the taps. "Baby, I'm not gon' drop you." He only grumbled as she stood up again. Setting him down on the lounge room rug he crawled over to where his toys were as she switched between checking the bath water and undressing him. Thankfully he wasn't in as much a grumpy mood as she thought and bath time went smoothly. Now sitting on the couch she had Noah in his all-in-one pyjama suit laying next to her on a bundle of cushions as she held the bottle to his face. She'd put the TV on to remove some of the silence. Safaree still wasn't back and she was starting to get worried as she looked at the time, it was almost nine. Knowing that the social worker was visiting tomorrow she decided to concentrate on getting Noah to bed first and then she'd worry about where the hell Safaree was.

***

He'd been sat in his parked car for hours, just thinking. Honestly that was always a bad thing. His thoughts would expand and become more embedded and before he knew it he was making decisions he never knew he wanted to make. It had only really dawned on him today when Nicki was at school. He had Noah for the day and decided to take him out. He loved when everyone would make comments about him being a cute kid and how lucky he was to be his Father. Of course, he could fool them but Noah was always going to grow up knowing that Drake was his Dad. He'd be around them forever. He knew he'd told Nicki that nothing had changed, that he'd never leave her. But everything had changed, it was almost as if he didn't fit in to their lives anymore. Like he was on the outside looking in, which he knew was complete bullshit but that feeling wasn't going to go away. Not any time soon, maybe not ever. The thoughts continued to fill his head before he started the engine angrily. He wasn't angry at Nicki nor was he angry at Drake, he was angry at himself for all the hurt he was about to cause her.

...

Thursday 25 October 2012

Resilience (Full Chapter)


Nicki pulled her hand out of Safaree's grasp and moved swiftly over to the doors of Noah's room, pushing past all of the people in her way. Not caring that a majority of them were hospital staff.

"What's happening?!" Her eyes scanned the room at the medical team surrounding Noah.

"Can somebody please get her out of here?!" She recognised that voice. It was the doctor that always had some sort of sly remark to make. Before she could get any closer a nurse ushered her out of the room, but Nicki put up a fight before finally crumbling into Safaree's arms outside the door.

"Noah's having some complications but we're doing our best, okay?" The nurse squeezed her arm gently and quickly disappeared back into the room. Safaree had no idea what to think. His mind was completely blank, only an hour ago he was sat with him and he was fine. They were taking him home soon. His racing thoughts were interrupted by an inconsolable Nicki crying into his chest as he held her. He felt sick.

"Shh, Nic it's ok. He's gon' be fine." He held her even tighter but she could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Understanding that he might need comforting too she wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed him as tight as he was her. They could do nothing but stand and wait, watching as more and more people piled into his room. Feeling her shaking he decided to move them both to the seats lining the outside wall of Noah's room. She didn't stop crying once for the whole time they waited. A good half hour had passed and Nicki was pacing relentlessly up and down the length of the row of chairs, chewing on her fingernails.

"Why they takin' so long? What is it that's so bad that they're still in there and they're not tellin' us anythin'?!" She threw her arms down to her side and attempted to push the doors open but the doctor came out first causing her to jump backwards as Safaree stood up. "Well? What it is it? What's wrong with him?" She started playing nervously with her sleeves as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks. Safaree was positioned right behind her with his hands resting reassuringly on her shoulders.

"Please, take a seat Miss Maraj?" He looked worried as he went around them and watched them both take a seat before talking again slowly. "Noah was having some difficulty breathing and the stress put on his heart was immense-" He couldn't continue as Nicki broke down in Safaree's arms. He felt so bad, especially after all the snide comments he'd been making towards her. She obviously cared a great deal bout her son. "But he's ok now, we've managed to get him stabilised. He's a strong kid, however this may set him back a few days, so he'll be in here for a little bit longer okay?" They both nodded as Nicki wiped away some of the tears. Safaree felt the lump in his throat get smaller knowing that Noah was going to be ok.

"So, can we see him yet?" The doctor moved his eyes away from Nicki as Safaree spoke.

"Of course, come through." He walked over to door and held it open for them as some more medical staff members made their way out of the room. Safaree still had hold of Nicki as he led her though. She was sick of all of this, she just wanted to take him home. "It was a little blip, but he's fine now. I assure you." He smiled as Safaree nodded his head to thank him and left them alone.

"Is it always gonna be like this?" She sniffed at the end of her sentence, she'd finally stopped crying and was stood stroking Noah's little hand.

"Honestly? Ion know Nic, but if he can make it through all of this when he's a baby..." He trailed off. "I'm sure he'll carry on fightin'." They sat with him for hours until they were told they had to leave. He knew Nicki would be quiet and revert to bottling everything up for the next few days but that didn't alarm him. Noah would be home soon and hopefully everything would be back to normal, that is until the DNA test results were returned.

*Two and a Half Weeks Later*

"So we can come down today?" Nicki asked nervously as she stood on the phone with Klara. Safaree was sat holding Noah delicately as he watched her reactions. "Mmkay, thank you." She hung up and placed the phone back before locking eyes with him.

"So? They back?"

"Yeah, she said we can go down this afternoon. She's just gon' call Drake and let him know."

"I just wanna say, no matter what the result I'll still love him as my own y'know? And it don't change nothing between us." He stood up to walk over to her, Noah was fast asleep in his arms. He was progressing extremely well which brightened their situation up. Not to mention removing some of the stress off of Nicki, she was trying to focus on school, Noah and everything else in between. Safaree was doing his best to support her as much as he could between working hours, which she was extremely grateful for.

"Thank you." She moved closer to him as he handed Noah to her and kissed her sweetly.

"I'm just gonna go get ready, I'll be twenty minutes max." And with that he disappeared into the bathroom. He was more than nervous, in a matter of hours they would find out something the could affect their whole lives.

***

Sitting and waiting for Klara to show up was torture. Drake was sat holding Noah as Nicki bounced her leg nervously and Safaree was sat silently next to her. Their anxious thoughts were interrupted as they saw her coming.

"I'm so sorry I'm running a lil' late, there was an emergency upstairs." She faltered as they just nodded. "Anyway lets get on with it shall we? I can tell y'all are tired of the suspense." As they all stood and followed her down the hall Drake delicately handed Noah back into Nicki's arms before they reached a side-room. Klara already had the envelope with her as she stood to the side of the door and let them enter first.

"Ok, take a seat guys. I won't be a minute." They did as she asked and sat themselves down whilst she left the room again.

Noticing how quiet Safaree was being, Nicki turned to look at him and grabbed his hand gently. "You feelin' okay?"

"Yeah, remember what I said though. It doens't change anythin'." Hearing those words uttered again made her feel a little more at ease, she still felt apprehensive though. She looked down at a wide-eyed Noah sat on her lap, he was playing with her bangles on her wrist as her arms held on to him securely. Since the incident with Drake almost three weeks ago he had apologised profusely and was adamant that if he was Noah's father then he was going to do his best to be great Dad to him, which honestly she was glad to hear and deep down she knew he was a good Dad so either way Noah would wind up having an amazing father but the issue lay with hers and Safaree's relationship. She was petrified that still having some sort of contact with Drake would drive them apart sooner or later. Blocking her train of thought Klara re-entered the room with her casual clothes on. Her scrubs were a little dirty.

"Okay then, the moment of truth huh?" She widened her eyes as she took a seat behind a desk but tried to remain more sensitive seeing how nervous they looked. Slowly opening the envelope she slid out the sheets of paper with the results on them. Turning them over they all watched her intently as he eyes scanned the documents in front of her. After a few seconds of breathless silence she brought her eyes back up to meet Nicki's. "You want me to read it out or do you wanna take a look for yourself?"

Shaking her head quickly she moved forward a little in her seat. "No, please could you jus' tell us?"

"Alrighty, well, cuttin' out all the technical terms and names the test results show that Drake is actually Noah's biological father." As soon as the words left her mouth Safaree felt a huge surge of sorrow, pain and heartache course through his entire being. The room was silent as Klara tried to stay out of the awkward feeling. "Kay, well I'll leave you guys to it and I'll see you soon for Noah's check up." Grabbing her stuff she moved away from the desk and stopped in the doorway. "Could you make sure this door is shut behind y'all when you go?" Nodding mindlessly Nicki shifted in her seat to face a dazed Safaree.

"I'm okay Nic."

"Really though? 'Cause you don't look it?" She held on to Noah tightly with one arm as she gently rubbed Safaree's hand.

He smiled genuinely but she could still see the hurt. "Yeah, I mean we always thought he was Drake's anyway right? So it's not really changed anythin'."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." She kissed him lovingly before turning back to look at Drake who was making playful faces at Noah.

"Well, I guess it's like Faree just said. Nothin's changed so....Do we just go on as usual from here?" Switching her gaze between the two guys the both nodded in unison.

"I s'pose so, and Nicki, I meant what I said 'bout tryin' to be a better father. I wanna be there for him, y'know?"

"Yeah I know." She smiled, letting him know that all was well. Or was it?


*** The Next Day ***

"Nic you gotta eat somethin', please?" He pushed the plate up in front of her as she still hadn't eaten.

"I'm not hungry Safaree."

He sighed and took a seat at the table next to her. "You'll have done fine, I know it! So stop worryin' so much!"

"I can't help it like, my whole, entire, overall grade relies on this one test result." She spoke super speedily as she stood up to go get Noah out of his highchair.

"So nothin' else is botherin' you?" He treaded cautiously with his questions as he followed her over to where Noah was.

Wrinkling her face up she shrugged before picking her son up. "No, why?"

"'Cause I just think it's a lil' odd that the social worker happens to be comin' over tomorrow and you're actin' all scatty and weird. You worried?"

Relaxing her shoulders she turned to face his direction but kept her focus on wiping Noah's dirty face. "What if they find somethin' bad or-"

"Nicki stop." Pulling them both closer her kissed both of their foreheads before talking again. "It'll be fine and your test results will be fine. Now hurry ya ass up and go to school."

"Bossy much?" Handing Noah over she kissed his little head before moving up to Safaree's lips. "Aight, I'm goin' and yes Safaree, I'll get somethin' to eat when I get there!" Grabbing her bag she smiled at him laughing and she shut the front door behind her.

"Well, guess it's just you and me little man."

***

"Wait, start again. Who is Noah's real Dad?"

"Drake."

"And you're sure?" Candi and Lauren was interrogating their friend as they all sat in the cafeteria area.

"Yup. Did a test and everythin'."

Widening her eyes Lauren sighed before looking more sympathetic. "How'd SB take it?"

"Really well actually, I mean I think he's kinda upset that Drake is still gon' be in our lives, forever. But other than that he seems fine."

"Is he though? Y'know SB? Bottlin' shit up and all that." Nicki frowned and looked down. Now she was questioning whether or not everything really was ok. What if their friends were right?"

"Nic?"

"What?"

"I just been yellin' you! The bell rang, we'll catch up wit'chu later." Candi grabbed their trays as they both headed off to their own class whilst Nicki sat for a little bit longer, she was petrified about getting her paper back.

Sitting herself at her desk she shook her foot nervously, Mr Tomlinson was taking his sweet ass time as more students filed in to the classroom and took their seats. Finally strolling through the door he set all his stuff down on to his desk and began sorting the papers out.

"Alright, I'm about to hand back your papers so it's all done and out of the way. We have a lot to get through this lesson." Beginning to pace up and down between desks he handed them back one by one. She hated the suspense as he travelled up to her desk, feeling her heart in her throat she chewed on her lip when he stood still after reaching her.

"Ninety-seven. Well done Nicki. One of the highest, keep up the good work." He smiled knowing what kind of pressure she was under and how well she had done. It was as though a whole weight was lifted off of her shoulders as she flicked through the pages and read the feedback.

After fleeing from the classroom in excitement as soon as her class was over, she met up with the rest of the girls outside the gates.

"Hey Nic." She knew that voice anywhere.

"Oh my God, Cassie!" Embracing her in a huge hug she moved around to share herself with TT as well. "Ugh I've missed y'all like, way too much! How are you?" Although they were all as close as could be TT and Cassie attended a different high school and with them being focused on study they hadn't seen each other in a while.

"Yeah we're good, hows 'bout you and SB and...Noah? Is it Noah?"

"Yeah, yeah s'all good! Mhm, Noah's doin' fine now. Thanks for askin'."

As they continued to chat they started walking when Nicki realised she was just going without thinking.

"Oh wait, where y'all goin'?" Stopping in their tracks the turned to face her as they got to Cassie's car.

"Uhm, the mall. Why? Aren't you gon' come with us?" They stood staring after Lauren spoke.

"I can't, I gotta get back." The obvious sadness was evident in her voice as she let her bag slip off of her shoulder and on to her forearm. "Have fun though, I'll see you on Monday." They tried to persuade her some more but she had to get back because Safaree was working. As she got to her own car she stopped. Why should she have to miss out? She could easily just take Noah with her. Or call Drake but no doubt he would be working too and honestly she felt like she hadn't seen her baby in the longest time. Quickly processing all of her thoughts she walked back over to their car, they still hadn't left. "I could meet y'all there though? Where you gon' be?"

"Food court first, see you in ten?" Cassie waited for a response as Nicki checked the time on her phone, she could make it ten minutes.

"Yup. See you there."

*o__o I have a feeling some of you will be mad that Safaree isn't Noah's father :o I still dunno what I'm doin with this fic but it looks as though I'm continuing lmao anyway thx for the comments on the sneak peak and I hope this was ok for everyone :/*

Friday 5 October 2012

Resilience *Sneak Peek*

*Mkaay so counting blogger comments and my DM's FY and CM drew! So I'll do both, just this once though ^_^ I was so surprised that people actually wanted FY! Like, I thought this one was all done with haha I was gonna delete it the other day but I wanted to finish properly so I think this chapter will be the last :( It's kinda sad cuz it was my first blog. I might make a continuation of it tho? What do you think? Like I did before, just keep it in the same blog but maybe a few years ahead? Ion know really. Aaaanyways here is theee last chap, hope it's ok for you all!*

Nicki pulled her hand out of Safaree's grasp and moved swiftly over to the doors of Noah's room, pushing past all of the people in her way. Not caring that a majority of them were hospital staff.

"What's happening?!" Her eyes scanned the room at the medical team surrounding Noah.

"Can somebody please get her out of here?!" She recognised that voice. It was the doctor that always had some sort of sly remark to make. Before she could get any closer a nurse ushered her out of the room, but Nicki put up a fight before finally crumbling into Safaree's arms outside the door.

"Noah's having some complications but we're doing our best, okay?" The nurse squeezed her arm gently and quickly disappeared back into the room. Safaree had no idea what to think. His mind was completely blank, only an hour ago he was sat with him and he was fine. They were taking him home soon. His racing thoughts were interrupted by an inconsolable Nicki crying into his chest as he held her. He felt sick.

"Shh, Nic it's ok. He's gon' be fine." He held her even tighter but she could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Understanding that he might need comforting too she wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed him as tight as he was her. They could do nothing but stand and wait, watching as more and more people piled into his room. Feeling her shaking he decided to move them both to the seats lining the outside wall of Noah's room. She didn't stop crying once for the whole time they waited. A good half hour had passed and Nicki was pacing relentlessly up and down the length of the row of chairs, chewing on her fingernails.

"Why they takin' so long? What is it that's so bad that they're still in there and they're not tellin' us anythin'?!" She threw her arms down to her side and attempted to push the doors open but the doctor came out first causing her to jump backwards as Safaree stood up. "Well? What it is it? What's wrong with him?" She started playing nervously with her sleeves as the tears continued to roll down her cheeks. Safaree was positioned right behind her with his hands resting reassuringly on her shoulders.

"Please, take a seat Miss Maraj?" He looked worried as he went around them and watched them both take a seat before talking again slowly. "Noah was having some difficulty breathing and the stress put on his heart was immense-" He couldn't continue as Nicki broke down in Safaree's arms. He felt so bad, especially after all the snide comments he'd been making towards her. She obviously cared a great deal bout her son. "But he's ok now, we've managed to get him stabilised. He's a strong kid, however this may set him back a few days, so he'll be in here for a little bit longer okay?" They both nodded as Nicki wiped away some of the tears. Safaree felt the lump in his throat get smaller knowing that Noah was going to be ok.

"So, can we see him yet?" The doctor moved his eyes away from Nicki as Safaree spoke.

"Of course, come through." He walked over to door and held it open for them as some more medical staff members made their way out of the room. Safaree still had hold of Nicki as he led her though. She was sick of all of this, she just wanted to take him home. "It was a little blip, but he's fine now. I assure you." He smiled as Safaree nodded his head to thank him and left them alone.

"Is it always gonna be like this?" She sniffed at the end of her sentence, she'd finally stopped crying and was stood stroking Noah's little hand.

"Honestly? Ion know Nic, but if he can make it through all of this when he's a baby..." He trailed off. "I'm sure he'll carry on fightin'." They sat with him for hours until they were told they had to leave. He knew Nicki would be quiet and revert to bottling everything up for the next few days but that didn't alarm him. Noah would be home soon and hopefully everything would be back to normal, that is until the DNA test results were returned.

*Two and a Half Weeks Later*

"So we can come down today?" Nicki asked nervously as she stood on the phone with Klara. Safaree was sat holding Noah delicately as he watched her reactions. "Mmkay, thank you." She hung up and placed the phone back before locking eyes with him.

"So? They back?"

"Yeah, she said we can go down this afternoon. She's just gon' call Drake and let him know."

"I just wanna say, no matter what the result I'll still love him as my own y'know? And it don't change nothing between us." He stood up to walk over to her, Noah was fast asleep in his arms. He was progressing extremely well which brightened their situation up. Not to mention removing some of the stress off of Nicki, she was trying to focus on school, Noah and everything else in between. Safaree was doing his best to support her as much as he could between working hours, which she was extremely grateful for.

"Thank you." She moved closer to him as he handed Noah to her and kissed her sweetly.

"I'm just gonna go get ready, I'll be twenty minutes max." And with that he disappeared into the bathroom. He was more than nervous, in a matter of hours they would find out something the could affect their whole lives.

*I'm SO sorry about how short it is, and it's boring :// I have a HEAP of essays to do as well as trying to keep some sort of social life lmao I'll TRY to post next week, one of my essays will be out of the way then.*